Mom

I can admittedly say that I stepped away from God these past few years. I was never the perfect Catholic/Christian growing up, nor did I read the bible or say a prayer every night. I would use God when I needed him…leaned on him when I thought he could possibly help…cried out to him in my worst of times…and then completely shut him off and hated him when John passed away. He did not help the situation and did not heal him but rather I felt, he took him away. These past few years, rather than leaning on God or using him as a crutch, I leaned on my family, my friends, and myself. I have not prayed in a long time. I thought those who did pray were weak and those who boasted about how “religious” or “committed” they were to Him were showing off and annoying. I hated the term, “Things happen for a reason…God will show you the way…blah blah blah.” It was too much for me to bare. I was judgmental, feeling hurt, thought love and good vibes could cure all, but at the end of the day, something else needs to rock your world before God really steps in and shakes the living disgust out of you.

Yesterday morning, my phone rings. “Dad”. I thought to myself, “Why on earth is dad calling me so early?” Even with the time change in Colorado, we are still getting used to the right times we can call each other…but it is typically in the evening. I answered, “Hello father,” as I normally do. He asks how I am doing and I proceed to complain about the travelling I have been doing lately for work, and he interrupts me by saying, “I am calling about your mom. She was in a car accident this morning.” When I heard those words, my heart sank. I thought the next words out of his mouth were going to be the darkest words I had ever heard in my life. I waited for him to continue, which felt like an eternity. “She is okay…a lot of broken bones and in the ER…they have a few more scans to do, but she is okay.” I was so elated to hear that she was okay, but incredibly heartbroken to hear that my mom was in pain.

For very few of you who know, my mom has dealt with a lot in her life. I will not go into too much detail to respect her privacy, but my mom is the strongest woman I know and for her daily struggle of health issues, this accident added to the already immense amount of hurt my brother and I feel for our mom. On top of all that, she smiles through it all. You would never know that she is ever in pain, and I am confident she is doing the same right now in the hospital, all while bossing my dad and the staff around. The plan now…to wait. Jason and I will wait to hear from my dad on her release from the hospital to then, in turn, figure out when we can go see her to take care of her…as she has taken care of/been the matriarch of our family for so long. These last two days, I have prayed…a lot. Asking for forgiveness for being away so long, begging for Him to be with my mom, insisting He be with my family, and pleading He understand where I have been these last few years and that it will take time for me to let my pendulum completely swing his way, once again…and last but not least, for Him to be patient with me.

When I was writing a few days ago, I was so elated to catch everyone up on this move to Denver…to talk about Zach and how fortunate I am to have a man like him in my life. I will do so, very soon, but for right now and with these recent turn of events, please send sweet love, prayers, and whatever thought you can to my beautiful mom.

Thank you, so much, for reading.